10,000 Buddhas Jeweled Repentance

All Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Venerable Master, Dharma Masters, wise teachers, and Dharma friends: good evening. My name is Thao Phi. Tonight, I will share about my affinity with the 10,000 Buddhas Jeweled Repentance and its interconnectedness. 

I will open my talk with a segment from Indra’s Net:

There hung a single glittering jewel in each "eye" of the net, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering "like" stars in the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that there is an infinite reflecting process occurring.

Each of us is the one and infinite jewels. We wear many hats. When I look closely at each role, none are too mundane. I am a daughter and soon-to-be wife. I am a volunteer and an employee. I am a teacher and a student. I am a human and a cultivator.

I was recently speaking with a friend who practices a different tradition of Buddhism. She was surprised when I told her I do not consider myself a meditator. I shared about the unique experience of being able to live at CTTB during my early years of working for DRBU.

Living on campus was a priceless time and only becomes more precious in retrospect. While working at DRBU broadened my skills, living at CTTB expanded my dharma doors. A practice that continues to stick and grow with me is the 10,000 Jeweled Buddhas Repentance. I will refer to this practice as repentance going forward in my talk. 

I was on a work trip during the repentance in 2014. I had time in-between meetings, and a community member encouraged me to join a bowing session, even if all I could do was once incense. Every year after that, I gradually attended as many bowing sessions as I could. The physical movement of a full-body prostration, the melodic chanting, and contemplation of repentance and renewal are a combination that I find conducive to my spiritual practice.

During the repentance, I usually bow in the Long Life Hall. A unique aspect of bowing there is that the provisional English translation of the repentance text is projected on a screen alongside the Chinese text. When we bow, we are able to read the English name of the Buddha we are bowing to. We see the text briefly, but seeing the English Buddha names is very inspiring. The qualities described in the Buddha names remind me of vows to aspire to.

Translation is the reason why we are able to bow in the Long Life Hall with both the Chinese and English versions of the sutra. Translation is key for us understanding the dharma. Translation is something we do all the time when we are communicating; we hear an idea and convey it to others. 

A friend introduced me to the 10k Buddhas Repentance translation sessions. It was like him showing me a hidden jewel, but I didn’t recognize what it was at first. Dharma Master Jin Yong facilitates this translation group online four times a week. There are participants from all over the world, such as California, Ohio, mainland China, Hong Kong, and Malaysia. Since the completion of this year’s bowing session, I have participated in some of the translation meetings again. It is a reminder of how joyful this practice is and how special it is to be able to dive into the text.

It is blessing to be able to cultivate together. This year, I decided that I would attend at least one incense during every day of the bowing repentance. My schedule is flexible, so I was able to go to the morning incense before going to work. The day before the bowing session began, a very interesting job posting was shared with me. I quickly applied to it so I could focus on the bowing.

I fulfilled my intention, which was to come each day of the session. Some days I was able to more than one incense. Other times, I barely made it to one incense. But I committed to going bowing at least once a day and I was able to do so. 

Different things came up throughout the next month. I tried not to pay too much attention to it, telling myself to keep bowing. When I was upset or frustrated, I returned my mind to the bowing.

Sometimes what was arising had a strong effect on me. There was a period of time during the repentance where my back was in severe pain. As a young person, it is easy to take my healthy body for granted. It was not clear what was causing my back pain, and at times I was discouraged from bowing.

Eventually, I figured out what caused it pain. There was no grand explanation that my body was experiencing this as a direct result of the repentance. Instead, I had moved a heavy item without being mindful of how I was doing it. It was simple cause and effect – be more aware of my body and how I am using it.

About midway through the bowing repentance, sadness about my mother came up. I suddenly felt a lacking that I am getting married in fall but do not have my mom to be there for it. I don’t usually miss her, but it seemed understandable that I would think of her for the big events in my life.

I thought more about not having relationships to my maternal side of the family and how the only time I met my maternal grandmother in Vietnam, I was sick. I drove to CTTB in the morning for the bowing session and cried on the short drive. Even though I know how fortunate I am, not having a relationship with my maternal side of the family is also part of the circumstances I find myself in.

I felt emotional for a few days and when it passed, a good friend texted me. Her stepmother had just passed away. My friend demonstrated unconditional filial piety toward her stepmom. My friend is welcoming, and there were many times where I spent time with her stepmom. There is no way of confirming that this is part of what I was feeling during those few day, but I am certain we are all interconnected at some level.

Another hindrance that I encountered during the repentance was my job at the time. I came into the Long Life Hall one morning, huffing and annoyed at yet again the circumstances I found myself with my job. I was unhappy there. I told some of the people I was bowing with that I was bowing my way out of that job. They laughed and said they never heard of anyone doing that.

The last week of the bowing repentance was especially timely. I took part of the week off to ensure I could attend as much as possible. Other events were scheduled, such as the celebration of life for my friend’s mom and the final step in my job application. 

The final step in the job application was a second interview with a panel. The interview was scheduled right in the middle of the last week of the repentance. On the morning of the interview, I went to bow as usual. A community member I normally do translation with was also present for the bowing repentance. He approached me and asked if I knew what day it was.

It was April 30. What I did not know or understand that April 30 is also known as Black Friday and the fall of Saigon. It was unusual for this person to come up to me, but it felt like there was some significance regarding this day I needed to pay attention to. However, with my interview that same afternoon, I needed to focus on that.

One afternoon during transference, I was false thinking about the job I applied to. The afternoon transference during the bowing repentance is quite intense. If I did not see the English translation, I would have no idea what it meant. Even though the text seems very severe, it is rooted in the first paramita of generosity. All the goodness that we acquire from this bowing session is transformed through the process of transference, in that we give it back to all beings.

While I was contemplating how the transference was anecdotes on how to be generous, I realized the job I applied to was also based on the spirit of giving. During the final part of my interview, I made this remark to the panelists in my closing statement. After the interview concluded, I asked what the next steps were. With the next steps out of my hands, I remembered it was still April 30 and got curious about the fall of Saigon.

Black April and the fall of Saigon is a day of mourning for South Vietnam. It is when the Vietnam war ended and the Vietnamese communists took back Vietnam. I read about horrific conditions millions of refugees suffered trying to get to freedom. I re-read the article my dad wrote to his university, recounting his repeated attempts to escape Vietnam and the tragedies he faced.

I found myself weeping again. I was crying not because of my circumstances but for the circumstances of my father’s life. For the circumstances of the Vietnamese people and boat refugees who suffered from this inhumane civil war.

They endured hardships that I cannot even begin to imagine. And even though it was painful, this was a part of my own history and important for me to learn about. I appreciate that my fellow dharma friend brought this to my awareness.

The last day of the bowing session arrived. I went to the first incense and had some time afterward. I had not received a phone call yet and was nervous, so I took a walk around the campus. I went to run my usual errands afterward and thought it would help calm me down to take a break afterward.

There is a local café in Ukiah I like to go to because it is quiet. It is also filled with Buddha and Bodhisattva statues carved out of various materials with incredible details. I ordered my coffee and sat down on a couch. I briefly thought to myself that I was going to receive the call to get the job offer. In the same moment that I looked up at the Guan Yin statue in front of me, my phone rang. I was offered a new job.  

Over the course of the repentance, my life was transformed and took on a completely new path. More than a month later, I can confirm that this change has been for the better.

While the repentance was happening, a Buddhist teacher told me that I would need to apply my practice more broadly. I have no doubts about the efficacy of spiritual practice and have faith in in continuing on this path. At the same time, Buddhism is so deeply rooted in me that I do not need to be so attached in identifying with it.

No matter what we do or don’t identify with, all beings have the Buddha nature. All of these jewels of life come from the mind. Our mind manifests different facets of these jewels, and we find ourselves in a variety of situations. Ultimately, these situations are not mundane but show us the glimmering of awakening if we can perceive it.

 Awakening is not apart from this world. Thank you for listening, Amituofo!